I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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