I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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