My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
