FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
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