are you still at the devil's house?
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
