We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Randomize
