I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize