So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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