Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
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