I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
