im drinking this country out of the recession.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
