Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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