I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
