his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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