you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I'm too high and old for this...
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
