in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
