can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
