I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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