I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
smell my finger.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
