2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
