Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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