yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
