i just google imaged poop.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
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