And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
