census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
