Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Randomize
