And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
