What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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