My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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