I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
