drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
