they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
