i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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