he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
