He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
