Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Randomize
