It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
She even gives head with a lisp.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
