i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
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