you have to choose: penises or morals?
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
It's shark week go big or go home
Randomize
