you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
