But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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