I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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