Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
