Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Floor bacon is actually really good
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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