Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Randomize
