Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize