....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
