I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Randomize
