eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
So much Jack, so little girl.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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