I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
