drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
