i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Im part way to drunk.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
