Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
