I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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