Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
