nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
