Don't you send me to vm
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
