we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
