i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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