And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Randomize
