the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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