i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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