i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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