i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize