Sponge bath it is.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Dignity is for republicans.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I supernannyed him into submission
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
