ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Randomize
